by Nur Faiqah Shahri
I'm going through miseries in every chapter i stepped onto,It burns me like hell,
It cuts me like a razor blade,
it bleeds me like i'm left with a few red blood cells to live,
It choked me like those smoke that gets into my throat with every puffs,
It kills me like the scorching sun,
It tears me like a piece of tissue,
It weakens me like a soft pillow,
It caught me while i'm down,
And now supposingly i'm breaking down.
Perhaps, with a presentable fake smile to show that im at least, still alive right now. uh sighhhh, I dont know, somehow i felt so feeble till i have to crawl in order to get to my destination, I felt so bitchy of me cause im burning now,still. I didnt know what happened between you two till i find that the girl's hardly let go of you. It breaks me to see i'm hurt, it breaks me to see you bring agony in her life. but sighhh, everyone do make mistakes in life yeah? I can never commence.
To you, you may think im arrogant but nah, Who's not angry? That's really common sense right?
sighhh.
Nah, Im too down to be exuberant.
I slept a couple of periods in class because im fatigue.
Sometimes, i just felt like ending my life. Let it be undefined and let me be on the other side.
I dont know. :-S
I feel so complicated.
Even every little things i do, would end up with no communications between us.
Its not just today.
Yesterday was,too :(
I'm tired of you treating me this way honey,
I want US like we used to be before.
And you do know, Tears dont fall freely when i'm happy, it's because im despondent :(
But why must we be unspoken?
Why must be walk a distance apart?
Did i do anything wrong?
Those words on my notes are just something i'd love to type out whenever i'm down cause That's Me.
everday seems like so unsignificantly.
I loathed it so much :(
when can we be like the couple that used to laughed from that place till you sent me home?
When can we be like the couple that used to spent all day talking and make use of every single second?
When can we be like the couple that used to walk hand in hand from Point A to Point B?
I wanna see that couple around.
everytime when i see that couple, I would ask myself, "where's me and you?".
Probably, "me and you" is left right behind us,
Nobody picks us up, we left on that broken road,
And now, I'm fetching us back together.
But im sure we can never bring "us" back again.
Maybe we'd be much different.
Different than i could ever imagine,
Oh how badly each night i cried myself to sleep remembering the old us.
Only that pink soft carebear you gave me that could make me hug it so tightly and bring me to sleep.
Okay, whatever.
I went to school alone today, so lonesome.
I starved myself in school cause im tired.
Bestfriends have been beside me all day to listen to my stories <3 I love you bestfriends :(
After school, in the mrt was a scary incident.
3 ITE guys standing on my right direction, they were discussing and they kept looking.
I felt really uneasy so i didnt dared to look to my right.
I'd only wait for Baby to call and so they'll leave.
And finally baby did, I was GLAD he did, they went away.
I alighted at Yishun and didnt dared to look at them standing by the door, I rushed to meet baby.
Met baby.
Everything was ALMOST like how we used to.
But apparently things changed shortly after i went out again from home.
Some notes displayed on my phone eventually brought him down and let him be so silent.
I was put aside.
I guess i think too much till i got my head all caught up and that headache comes.
It kills me to walk cause i'd walk like a drunk woman.
I kept it to myself and walked really slowly at the back.
Once we found a place to seat.
We sat side by side, I felt like stranger.
Things got worst and headache leads me to vomiting.
I went back home straight and i didnt informed baby why i went home for awhile.
It was un-imaginable to walk on my own with my head's spinning and that urge to vomit.
i walked slowly with the help of those walls beside me to aid me back home safely.
I paused by the stairs and i really couldnt take it anymore.
I rushed home and popped in some panadols but it somehow got me even more dizzier.
I felt like crying.
I felt like i'm abandoning myself.
I felt like i'm abusing my mind.
Imma mess :(
I met baby and solved things up,
Looked at him in the eyes and his pupil were never on my direction.
Tears started to fall and my heart;s already sinking when he didnt say a word :(
I kept persevering, not wanting to let this love kept pulling me down,
I'm fighting hard.
And finally we were okay, we poured tears and we did for numerous times,
when can we cry out of joy, baby?
sigh.
i dont know.
Bye :)
xoxo.
Labels: the old us
