by Nur Faiqah Shahri
HI!OK. So what's up with today? HMMMM.
i woke up feeling high in ecstasy :P LOL! Nah i'm feeling happy being myself.
At nite, i was pretty surprised when Mummy called out to talk to me. I was very very emotional at that point of time. I got off my bed and started crying eventhough Mum hasn't spoken a word. LOL! she was like, "why are you crying? I haven't started talking." and she smiled.
I went on crying and she hugged me. What more do you need when your family's all there for you? right? :)
I feel so much better after that when Mum said that every member in this family supports you. We brought you to Acne Treatments and all, We observed those improvements in your face so why bother listening to people who doesnt even pay a bill for a single treatment? Instead they commented on your face and brought you down instantly.
I love my family, i swear i do. When i feel like the world's down on me, they pulled me up.
I feel sad for those with families who doesn't give their support to their children until they look out for a way to make them feel Al-mighty. Well, fuck you to that. Heh. I am referring to somebody right here. oh well ;)
I stayed back for English ERP today.
It does help. Seriously, especially on Picture Discussion. I thank Mrs Cheah for making every little time for us. I appreciate that so much.
I finished 80% of my Presentation Board for D&T :)
Left with printing pictures and that's it.
I had a heart-to-heart talk with Shahidah (: My used-to-be-bestfriend.(i guess,still is?) Yeah. We talked out about our feelings and just let it out (:
We just feel so comfortable.
Someone fetched her from school and i went home straightaway. Boyfriend hasn't been contacting me since morning. I wonder why. Oh well.
I guess i'm gonna go fill up my empty stomach.
Granny's been calling out my name to eat.
I THANK THOSE PEOPLE WHO TAUGHT ME TO GET BACK MY CONFIDENCE. I SWEAR I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER THAN EVER AND AFTER THIS, NO BASTARDS GONNA BRING ME DOWN WITH THOSE WORDS UNLESS PHYSICALLY. (chey.)
But i'm certain i won't remain quiet no more.
HEHE. FAIQAH'S BACK! (:
OK GOODNITE!
LOVE YOU READERS.
HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO LOOK LIKE YOU,
YOURSELF.
There's none other that has got something that you got in you.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
'Feel good and you'll look good' - Quoted from Ashura .
boyfriend's old blog @ 10:16 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
gosh i can't take this.
I feel like crying.
Read my boyfriend's old blog. :/miss those times he would update about us. :(
ok goodnite/
It felt like self-destruction for once. @ 9:39 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
hi. Sorry for the 'dead & gone' for a few days,Yeah, i'm back, just feel like typing down my feelings. Here it goes, ever imagined queueing up for food during recess, feeling so hungry then a guy simply insulted you right in the face?
Yeah. if it was for other girls, 80% of them would probably ignore. But the 20% girls, like me, would eventually BREAKDOWN. Sigh, inside of me, i felt like crying out loud at that point of time but i kept on holding back my tears and bought only a Chicken Burger instead. :'(
my appetite was ruined :/ I didn't talked much after that, didn't crack jokes like i always do.
I kept on staring into thin air, trying hard to hold back my tears. :/
Baby Jh knows that i'm suffering right inside so she kept quiet all the way :/
I felt rather guilty for not talking to some of those innocent beings in my class.
I get affected so easily. Words may be words. But indirectly, it felt just like a self-destruction after they called me, "too ugly".
yeah i know, i know. I'm ugly. enough with it, can already? i can't take it anymore. It's too much for me to bear. :'( I know you people just can't keep those comments to yourself.
Fine, you people won ok. I lost. i give in. Say all you want.
You people just don't know how badly it affects me, my level of self-esteem is getting much much lower than before. I can't stand that. I beg you, people :'(
Because of you people, i couldn't possibly concentrate after recess. Tears kept wanting to rush out from these tired eyes of mine. BUT WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE CARE!? :'(
I admit, I'm ugly.
Bye.
Words of disappointment. @ 10:01 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
Ola. I just came back from North Plaza and bought Bubbletea (: Honey Milk Tea!Hehe. Ok.
Can i share with you, guys?
I'm feeling really really low of myself. Seriously. It was after this 'great' classmate of mine that never fails to insult me and i don't know why. I've never done anything bad towards him and all i received from him are these bad treatments that simply broke me down and got me into depression.
Words like, "ugly, 'thing',"
I hurts me twice as much when he literally described me as a 'thing' when talking to my other classmate in my presence. You know how sick it feels like when you never once treat someone badly but all u received were these kind of treatments?
Sigh. I was so disappointed and veryveryvery down.
I could'nt help but keeping it to myself. I didn't feel like texting at that point of moment.
Sigh. I was about to get out of these stupid depression state but he just loves seeing me like this. :'(
I pray to God i won't be too humble to people anymore. Seriously :'(
So, i complained to Boyfriend about it.
Another thing, it disappoints me when he CANNOT cheer me up. Serious :'(
It tears me twice.
hmm.
I can't blame him though.
Maybe i'm just too sensitive luh.
Aiya.
I go offline now. damn tired .
Love you readers!
WILL RELINK YOU SOON,NANA (:
Angel @ 4:18 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
You're my angel, you're my darling angel.
I just got back from school. This song is so sweet can.
Just feel like singing. LOL~
Okie.
MAYBE meeting baby today. Nah, not sure, he hasn't text me .
booooooooooooooooooo.
Tired like siao.
Thought my mum bought for me oreo last nite but she didn't!
Damn it, i was so so so so listless last nite, the moment i landed my head to my pillow, i went into a deep sleep. Pffffffffffft. It was around 9PM when that happened.
It was rather unusual. Maybe because i was too tired perhaps?
Too much school makes me sick. I meant the journey back and forth from school.
Tsk.
Ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
M.T LC O's @ 8:36 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
I FUCKING LOVE HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
SYNYSTER GATES! BRIAN HANER JR.OK I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM.
SO TODAY.
Listening compre for O's. Had to freaking wait up until 0430 in the afternoon. I went to the D&T workshop and slowly finish up my artefact :) OH YA. i got the pics of my artefacccct.
will upload it pretty soon!
so yeah. Listening compre was hell easy.
okie. damn tired today. Now craving for Oreos.
Damn itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
k bye. tired.
updates @ 2:04 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
Hey good afternoon! (:weeeez , yesterday was so much fun hanging out with Mummy's girlfriend at Mac donalds,CausewayPoint.
:D we gossiped and then i had my chocolate meltz and twister fries. Addictive sia. cb.
then mummy's girlfriend, I called her Mummy Linda (:
She gave me a facial treatment. :)
Weeeeeeeehoooooooo. Then went home around midnight like that. hehee.
Damn tired please. Nothing much to update.
who knows my Twitter, they know everything's there. ;)
Sedih hidup aku oi.
k bye.
FEAR NO BITCH @ 9:42 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
WHOOPWHOOP.I am happy - sad = for today.
Nah i don't know. Hehehe. so here's what happen in school.
I was so excited after i heard some news passed from a classmate.
Aiseh. Imagine a person talking indirectly about him/herself? Yeah. that's what i'm talking about.
well hey, you? you wanna bring me down LOW to your standard?
Hell no, you're way dirtier than me. Perhaps when you pushed ur chair to the back with no hesitation when i was walking pass by you, I should be doing that,
Cause you know why? You're a disease, yourself. Like, look at how many guys you've surrendered ur body to, girl? ;)
Heh. I'm just spitting the facts here unlike you, storytelling to people about me when you're the one who acted out in those "scenes".
Hehe. funny shit i swear. Plus, calling me ugly isn't pulling me down in any ways.
That's so loooooooooooooong ago when i used to get depressed over such comments.
But hey, sorry.
Now i don't listen to comments coming from a 'girl' like you.
Even from other people cause i ALREADY know myself.
I DON'T NEED A PERSON LIKE YOU TO BE TELLING ME THAT. ;)
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.
ok. so after school, attended for Maths Class and sat for a test.
Went to Yishun and met up with boyfriend ^^
Guess he know me very well this time round cause i get angry easily when i have to wait.
Sorry. I would'nt have changed this way but yeah. I don't wanna talk about the pasts.
Ok. we sat around and sing,laughed,'Sheesha" ! LOL
then something happened after i saw some girl flirting in his TalkBox.
Oh well, i was shocked, very.
You know, when you've been hurt for so many times. Even a small matter could hurt you worser than anything else.
So that's what i went through just now. It's needless to say so i kept my mouth shut .
I went home with a heavy chest :/
The moment i reached home, i spout it all out to him and he called me up asking me to view her profile. I tried searching but that 'cute' girl is nowhere to be found facebook.
Yeah found her account. added her up.
Just waiting for the motherfucking request accepted.
i'm done.
FEAR NO BITCH MAN.
GOODNITE.♥
Fucked up oral. @ 9:52 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
hi hi.
I had MotherTongue O' levels today. And fuckin' hell shit i was stucked while having the conversation. Damn it, my mind suddenly screwed everything up when i could'nt think of any more ideas about the tourism-attractions in Singapore. I fuckin'ly grabbed Singapore Zoo from the passage and Sentosa as the common for an examples to the questions. Cb.
I did so badly! Fuck, my mothertongue really bochup. But my english i can keep talking without a pause!
The moment i stepped out the Library, I could'nt control a tear and i went crying.
My malay teacher looked deep into me and asked me what happened.
I told her that everything didn't go as smooth as expected and i barely answer to the questions asked. She nodded and said, " it's ok Faiqah, At least you've tried ur very best. There's still the next component which could help you out for good grades for your Malay. Cool down and have a rest ok?"
I was really touched but i kept on crying. LOL. Friends came up to me and asking me why. Gosh, i was so touched by them, deeply i am.
I rushed out of the school and saw boyfriend waited for me patiently. I approached him and he got all worried seeing me with tears. As per usual, Boyfriend loves to crack up jokes with the sad story. He went around telling me the tourisms attractions found in Singapore. I was like, :"baby, the oral has already ended."
LOL. He seriously made me smile. I love you, baby :)
We walked around Causeway Point and i swear i love the way he grabs my hand and how he kisses me everytime when we were standing on the escalator.
I was kinda hyper when i was him so i can be defined as a crazy kid right next to him.
LOL. I went talking to myself and he'll go around laughing at me.
I had a whole lot of fun with Boyfriend. Boyfriend met up with Grandma and Mummy :)
I fed him Nasi Lemak and yeah. We went to buy bubbletea and then went home shortly after that.
He was complaining about having backpains. I asked Grandma for some medication for backpains and puts it on his back before he goes home.
Hmm.
He still hasn't text me until now, he could'nt be outside? I don't know.
I was so worried, i tried calling him using the public phone but his phone was off-ed.
I was kinda worked up cause my prepaid has ran out.
Sigh. I texted him a lot of times but there were no replies to it :(
Damn it, i wonder where's he right now. :(
oh ya, i talked to him about my feelings i wrote in my previous post. And he somehow understood everything and phew, he's not angry with me. School is getting rather weird with some teasings about me and a particular guy :/ My classmate is a killer, that Denny seriously needs some UGH.
I'm still waiting for his text/call.
Sigh. I am so worried, Baby call me up quick.
I need to hear from you :/
ok goodnight, i can't believe tomorrow's Saturday.
I love you readers (:
I have twitter and facebook, it;s at my profile (:
Fuckened up feeling. @ 6:31 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
Ever had a thinking that you're gonna be alright but you ain't gettin' any better?
Yeah. I'm somehow feelin' the pinch right now.
I don't know how to describe it, it comes and go so easily.
Times when i'm doing at my best, It approaches and i'll start to fall.
I gotta be true. So this is what i felt just now.
I somehow still have feelings for someone and i have to know that i am in a relationship and i would break my boyfriend's heart if he were to find out about this.
But how can i ever explain this?
The worst part is that, the feeling COMES and GO!
I'm just turning into a bitch ain't i? If only my heart was'nt broken previously, i would'nt have this stupid feelings to bother me.
Sigh i thank God somehow i handled things well, I HAVE TO.
I would'nt wanna go another year of sufferings to go through Karma. Hell no.
So here's what i'm gonna do,
- Love Boyfriend. Treasure him with all i could and know who can make me happy every single day cause he's all i have now.
Well, talking about Boyfriend. I'm having a slight tiff with him.
It's kinda pathetic though cause we fought just because of a simple question.
which is,
You're not in the mood, aren't you?
He asked me whether i'm ok and if i'm not in the mood, he would'nt wanna meet up.
I said i was ok all along but Boyfriend knows me well enough and he argued back saying that i'm lying.
By right, i was lying. The actual fact was that i'm trying hard to runaway from that fuckened up feeling plus i'm having menstruation. I'm having moodswings so randomly for 24hours!
Damn it, I hate being a girl. pfft.
Yeah, we're still not in good terms now, He's not texting me and i'm not texting him.
Hahahahah common isn't it? who wants to give in, you tell me?!
HAHAHHA. funny if i were to look back at the argument.
hmm, one day left until O level Mothertongue. Oh hell motherfucker, i gotta start talking in BAHASA MELAYU. tsk. I hateeeee mothertongueeeeee.
Oh well, it's gettin' late. I have not had my meal, i'm not even close to hungry.
Damn you tummy, keep having those cramps and preventing me from eating and getting fat. >:-[
Guess i'm gonna say sorry to him after this.
Sigh, i pray so hard that stupid feeling won't be bothering me anymore. :(
I don't wanna hurt anyone neither do i wanna hurt myself in the end.
I can't bear the pain :(
Guess i'd talk to him about this tomorrow if i were to see him.
hope he'll have his mind wide open.
Hmmm. Goodbye, Love you readers (L)
Labels: i'm still trying.
SCHOOLDAY -_____- @ 5:10 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
I'm back from schoool!
i was listening to my own video (below)
Love you readers (L)
photos at MacRitchie Reservoir @ 9:13 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
photos at mac ritchie. :)Have fun!
I am stupd plus ugly. @ 4:23 PM
by Nur Faiqah Shahri
they are the best. why?Cause they KNOW me BEST.
Only them, my family. They were there when i poured tears out like a zombie, NO ONE ELSE.
Where are the others?
Ask them.
Today,
nothing much though, just that i was waiting for someone who vowed that he'd call me during recess time. I never failed holding on tight to my phone, scared i might not feel the vibration when he calls. BUT. He didn't call.
Nope.
I was kinda upset about it but i just gotta remain positive and then waited for after school to come.
I went to meet my teachers for my malay oral practice. My heart pumped so fast upon knowing that teacher's gonna record my voice when tested.
Pfft. I got a topic on Traditional Games. The topic sucks much, i don't even fucking know what to talk about it. I jerked a bit while on a conversation just now. Damn.
I was released shortly at 2pm sharp where i went rushing to the gate hoping to see that someone who vowed he'll see me at 2pm.
But he's not there.
I went down waited at the bus stop, hoping that someone would alight from any one of the 851 bus service. Seven 851 buses passed by me in an hour.
He's not there.
I'm so tired and i could'nt help waiting. The reason why i waited was because i was scared he would have to wait for me when he arrives later on.
A matter of fact, i was just lying to myself.
i went back home.
He's meeting his cousin at 4 then i knew the reason why he didn't turn up.
i wasted my time,yet. AGAIN.
Am i stupid?
Yeah. Stupid + Ugly = Me.
Tell me about it.
And who's that someone i'm referring to?
My boyfriend.
Ok bye.
Labels: depressed.
