by Nur Faiqah Shahri
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You look at those pictures right above? What pops into ur mind?
Sweet couple? Loving? Happy? We can last?
Yes, Possible.
Cause we WERE once very sweet back then, VERY loving, everywhere you see me, he'll be standing right beside hugging my waist, VERY happy, we laughed hard, we talked loud(nonsense) and just everything that's counted as HAPPY. We can last? We COULD but time was too harsh to hold on a single bit, i chose to let it go.
It's been months i've collected tears.
He was the reason behind the smile i used to put on my face.He was the reason why I laughed so hard till my tummy hurts.He was the reason why i slept with a smile.He was the reason why I never looked for another.He was the reason why I woke up with a smile.He was the reason why I never put on a frown (except when he teases me).He was the reason why I never walked alone.He was the reason why I had someone to turn to when i have friendship problems.He was the reason why I put up my fears.He was the reason why I spent my whole time with.He was the reason why I'm in love.
And those reasons are the reasons why he's still so clear in my memory, Never faded, Never disappeared of my mind.
But where did he go? Where has he gone to, for far too long? Leaving me with scars and fears i have to face with never ending tears rolling down my face?
Is there any reasons why he left?
Is there any reasons why this 'heartbreaker' took over him?
I don't know.
All i've been asking myself was,
Have i EVER do any wrong towards you?Have i EVER treated you badly?Have i EVER played with your feelings?Have i EVER left you alone?Have i EVER tried going for any other guys when i'm with you?Have i EVER not care about your feelings?
Yes, i admit.
I've been very hot and cold towards you after we broke up.
I tried to release the hatred and made you feel regret.
And that's the worst thing i've ever done in my whole life which is to hurt someone that i used to love so much.You know that i'm never close to that kind of person.
Sometimes i may sound so caring towards you, talking to you as per normal.
i am still confused why do you kept coming back and forth towards me.
Tell me the reasons why i should stay?
tell me what else can you do to convince me?
I know you can't.
I know you'd do nothing.
Even if you're reading this,
Have you ever felt a sense of pain in you?
How would you feel?
Would you even appreciate what i have typed down?
would you take note of the things you should do?
I miss the guy who used to make me smile like in the pictures above.
I miss the guy who never failed to be right next to me when i needed him.
I miss the guy who would do whatever he could so that i'm comfortable with him.
(Remember the Pasir Ris Park incident when my slipper suddenly got spoiled and you borrowed me ur slippers all the way till Woodlands?)
Why must he turned into a beast?
What did i do wrong towards him!?!
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU TILL I HAVE TO RECEIVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT?!
why?
I don't even understand the reason why this tears kept rolling when i'm asking these questions,
My feelings towards you is like in between Hatred and Love.
How i wished i could regain this relationship and never make it fall at once.
How i wish it was as perfect as how it started .
Too bad, those are only WISHES i could make that could NEVER come true.
tell me what else i should do? :'(
How could you do this to me after all the things i've done for you, us? :'(
akukangensamakamu.
sigh. goodnight cruel world.
You're giving me too much pain.
I would've just taken a knife and stab right through my heart and YOU witness my death.
Labels: a wish.
